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Monogamy just means you choose not to have sex with other people, not that you don’t Some people are very good at monogamy and never experience a moment’s hesitation or temptation.
Other people are very bad at it and inevitably cheat on their partner – even when they have the best of intentions.
And like adventure games of old, if you don’t address it in the beginning, it can often be too late to fix things. Our sexual education system is at best a glorified anatomy lesson; at worst, it’s a collection of lies and deliberate misinformation designed to (theoretically) keep children from having sex ever.
We tell women to be sexis a new and radical concept.
It’s also important to recognize that libidos can change as we age and libidos that may have matched up can end up in conflict… We also tend to assume that monogamy is all-encompassing; that if you love someone, you’ll never ever desire anyone else.
In reality, we will lust after other people or have crushes on other people all the time.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that either person is bad; it’s far more likely that they’re just not sexually compatible.
It’s also important to recognize the difference between being stressed, depressed, tired or otherwise less interested in sex due to external influences – which is temporary – versus a libido mismatch. One of the ongoing issues with discussing sex is the assumption that traditional monogamy is the standard, that it’s natural and effortless; that people who women in relationships reporting having committed an infidelity.It’s about feeling as though your partner sees your happiness as a priority, rather than an inconvenience or an annoyance.There is only so long before a mismatch in sex-drives causes a rift in the relationship – possibly a permanent one.Once you’re out of the honeymoon period, then you’re faced with finding out whether there’s really any long-term potential here…and if you’re not sexually compatible, then you’ve got a ticking time-bomb hidden, waiting to blow your relationship apart.